Tuesday, October 16, 2007

You Talkin' to Me?

I am a bit of a thinker when it comes to issues that I have to deal with in my life, aren't we all? I like to look at every possible angle concerning the potential outcome of any action or decision that I may make regarding these issues. The thing is that I don't just do this in my mind, I do it out loud. Alone. That means with nobody around. Succinctly put: I talk to myself out loud!

I realize that I have always done this as far back as I can remember. As a child in my playtime I would, like most children, speak out loud regardless of who was around. It seems, that I have kept that idiosyncrasy to this very day. My oldest son gives me some good natured ribbing about it; "You talkin' to me dad?" I hear that and I realize that I am doing it again. My ex-wife would give me some "constructive criticism" regarding this little foible. I must admit that this talking to oneself is a bit of an oddity.

I grew up outside of New York City and on any given day, perhaps even as you read these very words, there is some wingnut pounding the pavement there all by his lonesome talking away in a loud conversation with himself. I have visions of me becoming like that at some point in time. It sends shivers down my spine. Why do I speak out loud to myself? Don't really know. Maybe I like the sound of my own voice, I admit that I do have narcissistic tendencies. Or maybe I want to hear how the words sound out loud as opposed to just hearing my inner monologue. I haven't the foggiest idea but I am sure that later on today I will be talking out loud to myself about it.

I guess what makes my Conversations-of-One (I prefer that term to the crazy sounding talking-to-myself) is that when I speak I am a bit animated. I use my hands, arms and body. I make faces, furrow my brow, drop my jaw. I mean I really get into if I believe no one is watching me. I lose myself in that moment. It is quite funny. I remember once, about 15 years ago I was at a stop light in my car all alone. I was having a Conversation-of-One and really getting into it. If I remember correctly it was concerning an important discussion that I wanted to have with someone close to me. So, here I am at this stop light going on and on as if the other person were right there with me and then I realized that there was a car that had pulled up along side of me and it was full of people who were looking at me and laughing. I am sure that I looked crazy. I felt so embarrassed. I couldn't even play it off like I was singing to the radio because it wasn't even playing. I could not floor it away from there quick enough when the light turned green even though I was still red with embarrassment.

I have tried catching myself when I do this Discussing-Amongst-Myself thing. I have toned it down a bit as I don't want to be known as the crazy guy who talks to himself. I prefer to be known as just the crazy guy and not even that. However, there is a new piece of technology that is out there that could well help me with my peccadillo. It is the Bluetooth device for cell phones! I have noticed over the past year or so many people who I thought were having Conversations-of-One. I would see more and more of these loners and I would think to myself that they are just like me doing what I have done for years. I then felt pretty happy with myself that I was on the leading cusp of this new trend, only to have my bubble burst when I would keep seeing these little plastic objects attached to one of their ears. I would think, "All these people have the same looking earring. What is the deal?"

It was then that I realized that these people were having actual honest-to-God conversations with other actual honest-to-God people. That's what the deal was. DANG! I sadly learned that I was not a trendsetter after all but just someone on the lunatic fringe. After I picked up my crestfallen ego I realized that I should join the Bluetooth movement. I mean if I wore one of these devices it didn't even have to be on, and if I was spotted in one of my animated discussions then people would just make the assumption that I was talking to someone, anyone other than just myself. Sure these people look crazy initially when they are talking out loud walking the aisles of the local supermarket/mall/Home Depot/Target or wherever, but when other people see their little phone thingy in their ear they realize that these people are not crazy, just rude. I can deal with being seen as rude, heck I am from the greater metro of New York City were we take being rude as a badge of honor. Yeah, I prefer rude over crazy any day!

So if you see me in an animated discussion all by myself don't jump to the conclusion that I am Conversing-with-One. Take a look at my ears and see if I have on a Bluetooth device in one of them. And if I do, then maybe just maybe, I am talking with someone who is real and can speak back to me. And if I don't have a Bluetooth device on, then just walk on by, say a little prayer for me, and don't tell anyone but yourself. Quietly. Internally. Without moving your lips. That's my job!

Now Go Do Some Good!