I was at work today when a song came over the channel of piped in music. It was Photograph by Ringo Starr. And when I heard it the tears just started flowing from my eyes because every time that I hear that song I think of Mark Mellor. Now you may be saying, "Oh Lord is he going to talk about Mark again? Can't he just get over it?" The answers to those questions are Yes and No! No one ever "gets over" the death of a loved one. It rips a hole into your life and all that can happen is that the hole gets smaller over time but it never completely closes as there is always something missing where that person should be.
I have to admit that I don't think of Mark as much as I did in the years following his death, but he is in my thoughts weekly. And when I do think of him the thoughts are always happy ones. They center on us being kids and enjoying life and just being friends. However, every so often it hits me that he's gone. And that's when the tears flow. So Photograph comes on and it just gets to me and these waves of sadness and yearning wash over me. Then I realize that this year will be 30 years since Mark left us and that gets me crying even more. I was a wreck for a bit there and had to escort myself to the bathroom to get it together.
The verse that got me was this one:
Ev'ry time I see your face,
It reminds me of the places we used to go.
But all I got is a photograph
And I realize you're not coming back anymore.
Mark and I talked about our future when we were kids. We'd sit out in the warmth of a summer's evening on the steps across from Dean Anderson's house and we'd look at the stars and just talk about whatever would spring to mind. We talked about what we wanted to become in life or where we'd want to live. We came to the conclusion that we wanted to end up friends as adults and have our kids become friends and that we'd go to their ball games and cheer them on. My kids would call him uncle Mark and his would call me uncle Steven.
I am not sure if that would've been how it actually played out but they were the tender thoughts of naive young boys. I am sure that Mark would've become a major league/hall of fame pitcher. I have no doubt about that at all. And I would've been his biggest fan even if he had ended on the, gulp!, Boston Red Sox.
And so the song dredged up a lot of what-ifs and why-nots for me. And then I am reminded that he's not coming back. More tears. Then faith stepped in and lifted me up. As I realized that while he's not coming back, I am straining to get to where he is and that it matters not a whiff at how much I try or strain because the price has already been paid for me on that journey by the blood of Christ. And then I smiled and laughed at the thought of Mark there laughing at me for crying. And then I saw him there and heard him saying, "It's so great here! It's better than we ever dreamed for ourselves! I can't wait for you to get here! Now stop being a pussy and go out there and live your life!" And I laughed. And I went back to work.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Gift Giving
I was watching TV the other day when this commercial for eBay caught my eye. Commercial What grabbed my attention was the way that they girl declares how unhappy she was with the gifts that she got from the previous year's Christmas. She wants people to know just what it is that she wants and really is not going to accept anything less than her heart's desire. She sounds like an echo of Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with her chorus of, "I WANT IT NOW!"
The thing that gets me is her perception on gifts. A gift is something from the giver without the receiver making demands on what the gift should be. For me to give a gift requires me to think about the person to whom this gift will be given. Things to consider are what they do in life, what their talents are, what their likes and dislikes are and so on. But when it comes down to it when we give a gift to someone else we are giving a part of ourselves to that other person, even if it is a throw pillow to compliment all of the other pilowa that were made in the past. And a gift that is handmade really is a gift that is of ourselves because we took the time to actually labor over it. We put our hard work, for the love of the other person, into that gift.
I think that we've let our views on gifts become so convoluted and manipulated by the media and especially big businesses that we've lost the meaning of what a gift really means. Something special has given way to "more is better". You see this a lot in the Christmas commercials that are on TV with the idea that if we can buy more, then we can give more and then, and only THEN, we will have a wonderful Christmas.
What if we all just gave one special gift to the ones who are dear to us? Would the fact that it was just one gift ruin the holiday for them, for us? What if you received a gift that was uniquely thought of, made, purchased, for you and you alone? Would you appreciate it more or less?
The promises of "Wonderful Christmases Now!" come with bills due in January where we find ourselves working overtime the rest of the year to pay for the Christmas behind us. Is that really worth it? Is that the true sentiment behind gift giving? Or have we become indentured servants to a false spirit of the season?
One of the most poignant Christmas stories that I've ever read, and sadly is never really retold this time of year, is O.Henry's The Gift of the Magi. And if you don't know this story then shame on you or at least shame on the school you went to when you were younger. In a nutshell the story centers on a young married couple who have very little money with which to buy a Christmas gift for each other. The wife wants to buy a chain for her husband's pocket watch and the only way that she can come up with the money is to sell her long beautiful hair, which she does and then buys the chain. The husband knows that his wife's hair is stunningly gorgeous with it's long flowing locks and so he decides to sell the only thing he has of worth; his watch, and buy some ornate combs to adorn his wife's beautiful coif.
The moment comes to give their gifts and then they see what the other has done to come up with the money to buy the gift which they are receiving. It's a poignant moment as the true gifts that were given were the gifts of themselves and the sacrifice that each one made for the other.
O. Henry ends the story with the following:
The magi, as you know, were wise men – wonderfully wise men – who brought gifts to the new-born King of the Jews in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. Being wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones, possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication. In a last word to the wise of these days let it be said that of all who give gifts these two were the wisest. Of all who give and receive gifts, such as donors they are wisest. Everywhere they are wisest. They are the Magi.
My prayer for you this Christmas 2011 is that the gifts that you give are truly of yourselves and that the gifts you receive, no matter what they are, are received with joy and thanks. May God bless you all and may the gift of Jesus Christ be seen and received by all!
Merry Christmas!
The thing that gets me is her perception on gifts. A gift is something from the giver without the receiver making demands on what the gift should be. For me to give a gift requires me to think about the person to whom this gift will be given. Things to consider are what they do in life, what their talents are, what their likes and dislikes are and so on. But when it comes down to it when we give a gift to someone else we are giving a part of ourselves to that other person, even if it is a throw pillow to compliment all of the other pilowa that were made in the past. And a gift that is handmade really is a gift that is of ourselves because we took the time to actually labor over it. We put our hard work, for the love of the other person, into that gift.
I think that we've let our views on gifts become so convoluted and manipulated by the media and especially big businesses that we've lost the meaning of what a gift really means. Something special has given way to "more is better". You see this a lot in the Christmas commercials that are on TV with the idea that if we can buy more, then we can give more and then, and only THEN, we will have a wonderful Christmas.
What if we all just gave one special gift to the ones who are dear to us? Would the fact that it was just one gift ruin the holiday for them, for us? What if you received a gift that was uniquely thought of, made, purchased, for you and you alone? Would you appreciate it more or less?
The promises of "Wonderful Christmases Now!" come with bills due in January where we find ourselves working overtime the rest of the year to pay for the Christmas behind us. Is that really worth it? Is that the true sentiment behind gift giving? Or have we become indentured servants to a false spirit of the season?
One of the most poignant Christmas stories that I've ever read, and sadly is never really retold this time of year, is O.Henry's The Gift of the Magi. And if you don't know this story then shame on you or at least shame on the school you went to when you were younger. In a nutshell the story centers on a young married couple who have very little money with which to buy a Christmas gift for each other. The wife wants to buy a chain for her husband's pocket watch and the only way that she can come up with the money is to sell her long beautiful hair, which she does and then buys the chain. The husband knows that his wife's hair is stunningly gorgeous with it's long flowing locks and so he decides to sell the only thing he has of worth; his watch, and buy some ornate combs to adorn his wife's beautiful coif.
The moment comes to give their gifts and then they see what the other has done to come up with the money to buy the gift which they are receiving. It's a poignant moment as the true gifts that were given were the gifts of themselves and the sacrifice that each one made for the other.
O. Henry ends the story with the following:
The magi, as you know, were wise men – wonderfully wise men – who brought gifts to the new-born King of the Jews in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. Being wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones, possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication. In a last word to the wise of these days let it be said that of all who give gifts these two were the wisest. Of all who give and receive gifts, such as donors they are wisest. Everywhere they are wisest. They are the Magi.
My prayer for you this Christmas 2011 is that the gifts that you give are truly of yourselves and that the gifts you receive, no matter what they are, are received with joy and thanks. May God bless you all and may the gift of Jesus Christ be seen and received by all!
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
It's Really a Small World!
So my last post was about a woman that I noticed at WalMart after church this last Sunday. Well, we must run in similar circles because I literally bumped into her while I was running errands today. I had to get some things done early this morning and was out and about doing them and I was trying to get them done quickly. As I was rounding a corner I was looking in the opposite direction and I bumped into a person and we both found ourselves knocked flat on our keisters. At first I was in shock as to what happened and then it dawned on me as to what I had done and I felt so bad about it. Luckily she was laughing and actually apologizing as she was looking the opposite direction of where she was going too. Funny that!
Well, as I was clambering to my feet I noticed a Fish tattoo above her right ankle and then I shot a look at her feet (she was wearing flip flop type sandals) and I saw her flaky heels. But before I could flash back to the image of her beauty crumbling this past Sunday morning she said, "I am SO sorry about that. Are you alright?" And it snapped me out of my mental rewind and I told her that it was all my fault as I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. She started to laugh and confessed that she was doing the same thing. I really felt bad about my carelessness in my walking about and wanted to make it up to her and since it was 8:30 in the morning I offered to buy her a cup of coffee. She hesitated at first but then said that she was actually heading to a place for breakfast and asked me if I wanted to make it up to her by buying her the most important meal of the day. I said yes.
We headed to a diner that was two stores down and got a booth by a window. She ordered scrambled eggs and bacon and I got poached eggs and corned beef hash. Then we got to talking and about our "bumping" into each other and got a great chuckle over it. She said that I looked familiar to her and I said I don't believe that we'd ever met, however, I did let her know that I was at WalMart the other day and was behind her online. She asked how I remembered her and I said that I had noticed her Fish tattoo and then saw it this morning as we were getting to our feet. She blushed and gave a low moan when I mentioned the tattoo.
She said that she'd done that after her divorce 9 years ago as a sign that she was able to do as she pleased after being in a marriage to a very suffocating and controlling husband. She then went into what she had been through and how she was just getting her life back together and was looking to get back into dating but wasn't having any luck as "all of the good ones seemed to be already taken". And I told her that perhaps not all of them were, and then shot her a playful smile. She coyly smiled back at me and we proceeded to start a somewhat flirtatious dialog.
Perhaps it was because we were sitting at a table and I could not see her cracked flaky heels that had me giddy in playful banter with an attractive women. I mean every time I looked down all I saw were plates of eggs and breakfast meats, not heels crying out for pampering attention. I went with the flow and it seemed that we had some real chemistry and the next thing that I noticed was that we were holding hands across the table and it's been quite sometime since I've held the hand of a beautiful woman. I guess she was feeling a bit adventurous and able to express herself as she had never been able to do before. And it was this adventurousness that started the house of cards to come tumbling down because she decided to play footsie with me. I was wearing shorts and felt her toes start to run up my ankle as she had taken her foot out of her flip flops. It felt good and I have to admit that I really liked it. I liked it until her heel scraped my shin to which I flinched and sent my knee slamming up into the table knocking the carafe of coffee every which way.
The waitress came over quickly and cleaned the mess up and my breakfast companion asked me why I flinched. What could I say? I had to be honest and I swore that if I had ever met her before that my curiosity would get the better of me and it did now, throbbing knee and all. So I asked her what the deal was with her cracked, flaky heels. And when the words had left my mouth, hanging above our heads like a cartoon balloon, her face drained of all color and turned deathly pale. "How could you ask such a question?", she said. I was dumbfounded.
"I thought that you were different! I thought that you cared! You're just like all of the rest!" And then she reached down and grabbed a handful of scrambled eggs and flung them into my face and got up and stormed out, flaky heels and all. And me? I was left there with egg on my face.
Ah, none of this happened today. All I did today was get a haircut.
Well, as I was clambering to my feet I noticed a Fish tattoo above her right ankle and then I shot a look at her feet (she was wearing flip flop type sandals) and I saw her flaky heels. But before I could flash back to the image of her beauty crumbling this past Sunday morning she said, "I am SO sorry about that. Are you alright?" And it snapped me out of my mental rewind and I told her that it was all my fault as I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. She started to laugh and confessed that she was doing the same thing. I really felt bad about my carelessness in my walking about and wanted to make it up to her and since it was 8:30 in the morning I offered to buy her a cup of coffee. She hesitated at first but then said that she was actually heading to a place for breakfast and asked me if I wanted to make it up to her by buying her the most important meal of the day. I said yes.
We headed to a diner that was two stores down and got a booth by a window. She ordered scrambled eggs and bacon and I got poached eggs and corned beef hash. Then we got to talking and about our "bumping" into each other and got a great chuckle over it. She said that I looked familiar to her and I said I don't believe that we'd ever met, however, I did let her know that I was at WalMart the other day and was behind her online. She asked how I remembered her and I said that I had noticed her Fish tattoo and then saw it this morning as we were getting to our feet. She blushed and gave a low moan when I mentioned the tattoo.
She said that she'd done that after her divorce 9 years ago as a sign that she was able to do as she pleased after being in a marriage to a very suffocating and controlling husband. She then went into what she had been through and how she was just getting her life back together and was looking to get back into dating but wasn't having any luck as "all of the good ones seemed to be already taken". And I told her that perhaps not all of them were, and then shot her a playful smile. She coyly smiled back at me and we proceeded to start a somewhat flirtatious dialog.
Perhaps it was because we were sitting at a table and I could not see her cracked flaky heels that had me giddy in playful banter with an attractive women. I mean every time I looked down all I saw were plates of eggs and breakfast meats, not heels crying out for pampering attention. I went with the flow and it seemed that we had some real chemistry and the next thing that I noticed was that we were holding hands across the table and it's been quite sometime since I've held the hand of a beautiful woman. I guess she was feeling a bit adventurous and able to express herself as she had never been able to do before. And it was this adventurousness that started the house of cards to come tumbling down because she decided to play footsie with me. I was wearing shorts and felt her toes start to run up my ankle as she had taken her foot out of her flip flops. It felt good and I have to admit that I really liked it. I liked it until her heel scraped my shin to which I flinched and sent my knee slamming up into the table knocking the carafe of coffee every which way.
The waitress came over quickly and cleaned the mess up and my breakfast companion asked me why I flinched. What could I say? I had to be honest and I swore that if I had ever met her before that my curiosity would get the better of me and it did now, throbbing knee and all. So I asked her what the deal was with her cracked, flaky heels. And when the words had left my mouth, hanging above our heads like a cartoon balloon, her face drained of all color and turned deathly pale. "How could you ask such a question?", she said. I was dumbfounded.
"I thought that you were different! I thought that you cared! You're just like all of the rest!" And then she reached down and grabbed a handful of scrambled eggs and flung them into my face and got up and stormed out, flaky heels and all. And me? I was left there with egg on my face.
Ah, none of this happened today. All I did today was get a haircut.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
From Soup to Nuts
I saw something today whilst at WalMart that made me stop and go, "Hm?". I was standing in line behind an attractive lady and since I am single and not dead yet I gave her a quick top-to-bottom once over with my eyes. She had a pretty face with a stylish hairdo, bright eyes and an inviting smile. Her clothes were chic in a way that said that she doesn't need to spend top dollar on her duds but knows how to make them look worth a lot. She wore them well. And I liked the fact that she was wearing a skit, knee length, that was light an airy. I just love when a woman wears a skirt. Too many are married to pants and pants alone. Boring IMHO.
She had decent legs and was sporting a Fish tattoo in the style of the Greek letter Alpha that is symbolic of Christ. I thought, "Nice a Christian woman with a sassy edge to her." She finished her ensemble with some stylish sandals with a bit of a lift. Her toes were well pedicured, which I have to admit that I find attractive and her toenails matched her fingernails(added bonus). However, as I looked at her whole foot I noticed that her heels were dry, cracking and flaky. The whole image came crashing down right then and there as I heard the WalMart cashier ask her if she wanted to apply for a WalMart credit card. She declined by the way.
I couldn't understand why a woman would go through almost every effort to make every part of her appearance radiate beauty, fashion, and style but overlook something as gross as her heels. I equate that with brushing only the teeth that people see when you smile; your incisors and canines but letting your molars go untouched. Maybe she thought that no one would notice and she didn't have the time nor the moisturizing lotion to take care of business. I know that I've had the occasion where my fly was down without me knowing until it was pointed out to me. I felt embarrassed for a moment or two but then realize that these thing happen. However, it's not like I left the Mens room with the thought, "I am kind of tired right now. Too tired to zip up my fly. I am leaving it the way it is." No, I've never had a thought like that. It just happened.
Am I being unfair? Maybe. Yes, I know that that woman is more than her appearance but let's be honest, our appearances do matter and make a difference one way or another, at least first impressions do. I am sure that the women is a nice person and interesting and maybe I will get to know her someday. And if I ever do get that chance I am the type of person who would have to know what the deal is with her heels. Shallow on my part? Perhaps. But my curiosity would get the better of me.
Anyway, that was my interesting moment of the day. Wonder what tomorrow will bring.
She had decent legs and was sporting a Fish tattoo in the style of the Greek letter Alpha that is symbolic of Christ. I thought, "Nice a Christian woman with a sassy edge to her." She finished her ensemble with some stylish sandals with a bit of a lift. Her toes were well pedicured, which I have to admit that I find attractive and her toenails matched her fingernails(added bonus). However, as I looked at her whole foot I noticed that her heels were dry, cracking and flaky. The whole image came crashing down right then and there as I heard the WalMart cashier ask her if she wanted to apply for a WalMart credit card. She declined by the way.
I couldn't understand why a woman would go through almost every effort to make every part of her appearance radiate beauty, fashion, and style but overlook something as gross as her heels. I equate that with brushing only the teeth that people see when you smile; your incisors and canines but letting your molars go untouched. Maybe she thought that no one would notice and she didn't have the time nor the moisturizing lotion to take care of business. I know that I've had the occasion where my fly was down without me knowing until it was pointed out to me. I felt embarrassed for a moment or two but then realize that these thing happen. However, it's not like I left the Mens room with the thought, "I am kind of tired right now. Too tired to zip up my fly. I am leaving it the way it is." No, I've never had a thought like that. It just happened.
Am I being unfair? Maybe. Yes, I know that that woman is more than her appearance but let's be honest, our appearances do matter and make a difference one way or another, at least first impressions do. I am sure that the women is a nice person and interesting and maybe I will get to know her someday. And if I ever do get that chance I am the type of person who would have to know what the deal is with her heels. Shallow on my part? Perhaps. But my curiosity would get the better of me.
Anyway, that was my interesting moment of the day. Wonder what tomorrow will bring.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Some Thoughts
Hey there! Yes it's been a while, a long while, since I last posted anything here. Not that I haven't wanted to but I've been extremely busy and trying to find the time to post. However, excuses are cheap and actions speak loudly. So, I am back at the end of the year to posit some musings garnered from my journeys in 2009.
The year started off rocky but finished on a definite high note as things have changed for the better. What a year it's been and I am filled with a renewed optimism for the future and my life. Family relationships have been strengthened, old friendships have been renewed, and golden opportunities have appeared.
There have been some minor setbacks and other areas where I strive for change for the good, but nothing that has made me lose Hope. And Hope is the key, isn't it? Without we are lost and give into despair and slide down a slippery slope of self-loathing. Hope is eternal. Hope is renewing. Hope heals.
I look forward to the 2010 and make the vow to be more diligent in blogging. I've heard from some dear friends that they think that I am a decent writer, and perhaps I am and I owe some of those friends a thank you for encouraging me to write, write, write(That's you E.C., J.D., and M.F.). Whether I am or not I realize that I LOVE writing and it brings me great joy. If it brings others joy too then that is the icing on the cake.
Here's to wishing you and Happy, Safe, and Blessed New Year!
Mac
Monday, July 13, 2009
Things Do Get Better
I have had the most interesting journey in my life for the past 5 or so years. Things have been topsy turvy and for the longest time it didn't appear like it would get better. There were glimmers of hope but they soon passed. I found myself falling into the miry pit that Psalm 40 talks about in the Bible. The good thing is that just like in Psalm 40, the Lord has lifted me out. The evidence of this was found in the last two weeks where I spent the most wonderful time with my parents, with whom I had been estranged for far too long. My three sons were with me on this trip and it was good that they were there to witness the Lord's healing hand. While my daughters were not there I know that they will see the results of God's tender mercies.
I also was able to reconnect with some very special friends in my life, though there were others I just could not get to see due to time being hectic but also due to the healing that was taking place. I guess I had forgotten who I was and started to believe the lies that I heard from people who really didn't care about me. Through it all I have grown closer to my parents and see just how beautiful they are. I am a blessed man to be their son and I thank God for their love and support. I thank God also for my dear friends who are special to me as well, even though we have not seen each other in years.
I am not sure that I deserve all of this love, but I am thankful for it and will do my best to reflect it back to my family and friends and to pay it forward to those whom I meet in my daily live's routine. I guess the biggest lesson that I have learned is that people DO change and that by God's hand. I've heard time and time again from others that, "People just don't change" and on their own they probably won't. But God is the God of the Impossibilities and nothing is undoable to Him. He has changed my heart and my outlook as he has done so with my parents. We had long been praying for this and God listens. He might not respond right away but He will respond.
So don't ever give up hope, like I did. Keep standing firm in faith in Christ and know that He wants the best for you. God does change people even if they are running from Him and He can do it in an instant. Trust Him with all of your heart and He will never lead you astray.
Here Endeth the Lesson,
Mac
I also was able to reconnect with some very special friends in my life, though there were others I just could not get to see due to time being hectic but also due to the healing that was taking place. I guess I had forgotten who I was and started to believe the lies that I heard from people who really didn't care about me. Through it all I have grown closer to my parents and see just how beautiful they are. I am a blessed man to be their son and I thank God for their love and support. I thank God also for my dear friends who are special to me as well, even though we have not seen each other in years.
I am not sure that I deserve all of this love, but I am thankful for it and will do my best to reflect it back to my family and friends and to pay it forward to those whom I meet in my daily live's routine. I guess the biggest lesson that I have learned is that people DO change and that by God's hand. I've heard time and time again from others that, "People just don't change" and on their own they probably won't. But God is the God of the Impossibilities and nothing is undoable to Him. He has changed my heart and my outlook as he has done so with my parents. We had long been praying for this and God listens. He might not respond right away but He will respond.
So don't ever give up hope, like I did. Keep standing firm in faith in Christ and know that He wants the best for you. God does change people even if they are running from Him and He can do it in an instant. Trust Him with all of your heart and He will never lead you astray.
Here Endeth the Lesson,
Mac
Friday, April 17, 2009
Signs of the Impending Apocalypse Part II
OK, I saw another commercial that caught my eye and made me laugh with the absurdity of it all. Perhaps you've seen this one as well. It's a Dunkin' Donuts commercial that begins with three little children in a darkened room with zombie like looks on their faces as they are watching cartoons. The TV is holding them in some sort of zombie-making tractor beam and it's actually drawing them towards the TV.
Then the door opens and this bright light fills the room and it's their dad holding a box of donuts beckoning the imps to come get one. Upon hearing this they awaken from their cartoon slumber and head out to the kitchen all jazzed up at the tasty sugary sweets that await them.
The only thing wrong with this was that the kids did not have sunken eyes nor expanded waists. I mean what were the people of Dunkin' Donuts thinking with this commercial. "Hey if you have couch potatoes for kids just feed them these empty calories to keep them tuned in the Cartoon Network all day long!"
That commercial is a far cry from this.
Now go out and do something creative!
Mac
Then the door opens and this bright light fills the room and it's their dad holding a box of donuts beckoning the imps to come get one. Upon hearing this they awaken from their cartoon slumber and head out to the kitchen all jazzed up at the tasty sugary sweets that await them.
The only thing wrong with this was that the kids did not have sunken eyes nor expanded waists. I mean what were the people of Dunkin' Donuts thinking with this commercial. "Hey if you have couch potatoes for kids just feed them these empty calories to keep them tuned in the Cartoon Network all day long!"
That commercial is a far cry from this.
Now go out and do something creative!
Mac
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