The Doorman or Just Good Manners

My dad is a gentleman. Even though he grew up on the mean streets of New York City and is street smart he is still very much a gentleman. He is kind and very gracious and literally would give the shirt of his back for someone in need. I've seen him do things that people today call random acts of kindness but back in the day when I was a kid it was just called doing the right thing, though some would call it manners. My dad taught my brother and me how to be a gentleman and to respect others and to not be self-centered.

My dad was, and very much still is at the age of 73, a door holder. When entering a building he holds doors open for ladies, but also for the elderly and anyone around. My brother and I learned that from him at a very early age. "Ladies first," I would hear him say. When I was about 6 years old my mom took some night courses at the Berkeley Secretarial School in White Plains, New York (though now I think that it is just Berkeley College). Back in the late 60s and early 70s the school was made up of 99% women. One night my dad dropped my mom off for class and we rode around White Plains for a while but got back quite a bit early to pick up my mom (my dad is EXTREMELY punctual. If he has to be somewhere at 6PM and the appointment is only 30 minutes drive from where he lives he will indeed leave at 4PM so as not to be late-this drove me nuts as a kid).

Well since we had some time to kill we went to the cafeteria where he was going to buy my brother and me a soda. So there we were in this cafeteria and as I went to get a glass for the soda fountain when I looked up I saw that I had fallen way behind my dad and brother and a woman was behind me. "Ladies first," echoed in my mind so I, trying to be  a gentleman, let her go ahead of me. And then I looked up and saw another woman and let her go too, as I did with the third woman, and then the fourth. Next thing I knew I saw a steady line of women standing there and I was trapped by my desire to do the right thing. Each lady commented on what a gentleman I was so how could I not let them continue to stream past me? The next thing I know is that I saw my dad turn around and looked back to where I was and he let out a laugh and then came and saved me. It was a pretty funny experience but it kind of shook me as a 6 year old.

However, I still hold doors and let ladies go first no matter what their age may seem. From elderly ladies I hear comments such as, "Wow, a gentleman still exists!", or "How refreshing to see someone with manners." From women my age I will hear the occasional, "Thank you." Yet from young women I hear nothing at all and that always makes me wonder why their parents aren't teaching them manners.

I am absolutely amazed at when I see a young couple coming towards a door as I am leaving an establishment and go to hold the door open for them and the guy cuts in first before the woman he is with. I usually say something like, "What a gentleman you are." I once had a lady yell at me for holding the door open for her. "Don't you think I can open a door for myself? You need to stop that anachronistic behavior." I replied, "I am sure that you can open your own door Ma'am. I hear you roar so you must be woman. However, my father taught me to do this as a small gesture of honor for women and all that they do. Forgive me for trying to honor you." She looked at me and her demeanor changed and she ended up apologizing to me. I then called her a whore! NO I didn't at all but just thought that would be funny to write there.

I have instilled, what my father instilled in my brother and me, in my three sons. Anytime we head somewhere and they are walking towards a door and there is a lady present or an elderly person I softly say, "Be a gentleman," and they know what to do. I hope that they will continue that without prompting because it seems like their generation is one where manners, courtesy, common sense is sorely lacking and we are to blame for not expecting that from our children. Why is it so hard for us to be civil to one another? Why can't courtesy be an instinct instead of an oddity? Why is it that manners are foreign to us? To me it is little things like the death of theses things that signal, like gigantic waving red flags, that our society is on the decline and our country is spiraling downward. Things can change because we have the power to change them, but do we really want to, and do we really want to be BOTHERED by it all? If we see it as a BOTHER then I think that we have our answer already.

Just some things to think about.
Mac